This is a mostly true story…
Listen closely to my tale
Of making macaroni from scratch.
I began by forging a mighty cauldron.
Seven tons of iron ore I dipped
Into the molten fires of Mt. Mfjlldrk.
For seven centuries, I hammered
The red hot iron until it
Wrought the mighty cauldron.
To fill the cauldron,
I carried it clear to the springs
Of Fjordenbjork. With a thunderous
Stomp, I made the waters
Leap into my mighty cauldron!
Next, I used my great battle axe
To chop down a forest for tinder.
With one chop, I felled ten trees.
With two chops, one thousand!
With my bare hands, I pulled
A boulder of flint from the mountainside.
I dragged it across my rugged beard
Sending flames shooting over the forest.
I placed my mighty cauldron
Atop the flames and filled it
With the legendary Elbows of Macaroni.
I then grabbed the ocean by
Its corners and shook the salt
Into my mighty cauldron.
From the frozen north, I took cheese
Made with milk ripped from
The teats of the ancient grass-fed
Cows of Brudermilken
And grated a mountain of cheese.
I then began to stir the
Legendary Elbows of Macaroni
With a one hundred foot tall
Sapling of Fjordenbjork.
Suddenly, water heated to
One million degrees splashed
On to my hand. Without flinching,
I disregarded the tenth degree
Burns and plunged my hand
Into butter made from milk
Ripped from the teats of the ancient grass-fed
Cows of Brudermilken.
Finally, I poured the water from
My mighty cauldron, forming
A seventh sea. I mixed in
The cheese and butter and blew
The fire out with one breath.
Ten thousand Vikings filled my
Mead Hall and yet they could not
Finish all of the legendary
Elbows of Macaroni that I set
Before them. To this day,
There still exists leftovers
From that epic meal.