Short Story – Lemon Laws – Cereal Juicer


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“Over here, Sheriff! We got another one,” Deputy Barry said.

Sheriff Lemon’s handlebar mustache twitched as he looked down at the sidewalk. Applesauce. Applesauce everywhere. Lemon’s bushy gray eyebrows lowered into a look of disgust. It didn’t matter how many times he saw it, this kind of thing always turned his pulp.

“Doesn’t matter how many times I see it, this kind of thing always turns my pulp,” Lemon said. “Any evidence?”

Deputy Barry shook his head.

“Same as last time, Sheriff. And the time before that. And the time before that. This guy does a thorough job of covering up his tracks.”

Sheriff Lemon sighed heavily.

“Alright. Go over it one more time, Barry. I’ve gotta go make a call.”


Lemon sat down behind his desk and reached for the phone. He paused, leaned back in his chair, and rubbed his lemonhead. A zesty scent filled the room. Lemon sighed, sat forward, and slapped his desk before picking up the phone. After a few rings, someone picked up on the other end.

“Mango,” the voice answered.

“Mango, it’s Lemon. How’re things goin’?”

“Can’t complain.”

“How’s the family?”

“Expanding at an exponential rate. How’s the Missus?” Mango asked.

“Just as sour as ever! Hahahaha!”

“Hahaha! …So, what’s the real reason you called?” Mango asked…

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