Short Story – Lemon Laws – Cereal Juicer

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“Over here, Sheriff! We got another one,” Deputy Barry said.

Sheriff Lemon’s handlebar mustache twitched as he looked down at the sidewalk. Applesauce. Applesauce everywhere. Lemon’s bushy gray eyebrows lowered into a look of disgust. It didn’t matter how many times he saw it, this kind of thing always turned his pulp.

“Doesn’t matter how many times I see it, this kind of thing always turns my pulp,” Lemon said. “Any evidence?”

Deputy Barry shook his head.

“Same as last time, Sheriff. And the time before that. And the time before that. This guy does a thorough job of covering up his tracks.”

Sheriff Lemon sighed heavily.

“Alright. Go over it one more time, Barry. I’ve gotta go make a call.”

***

Lemon sat down behind his desk and reached for the phone. He paused, leaned back in his chair, and rubbed his lemonhead. A zesty scent filled the room. Lemon sighed, sat forward, and slapped his desk before picking up the phone. After a few rings, someone picked up on the other end.

“Mango,” the voice answered.

“Mango, it’s Lemon. How’re things goin’?”

“Can’t complain.”

“How’s the family?”

“Expanding at an exponential rate. How’s the Missus?” Mango asked.

“Just as sour as ever! Hahahaha!”

“Hahaha! …So, what’s the real reason you called?” Mango asked…

Continue reading “Short Story – Lemon Laws – Cereal Juicer”

Poem – Confessions of an Avid Author (or Artist) #3

I’m not 100%

Certain

If I’ve been to sleep

In the last three days,

But this coffee

Is good,

There are no bananas

Left,

And I’m still wearing

The same

Pants.

Series – Nitro! Frog – Issue 001

Series

“Nitro! Yo, Nitro! Wake up!” Teach shouted. Smack! Teach slapped the napping frog with a wet mackerel.

“Ouch! What’s that all about?” Nitro cried.

“You were napping again!” Teach shouted as he tossed the mackerel back into the ocean.

“Now, everybody listen up! Today, you graduate from Teach’s Life Training! Some of you did better than others!” Nitro withered under Teach’s glare.

“It’s time to choose your skills! Choose carefully, you only get one shot at this! When I call your name, step forward and get your R.I.B.B.E.T.S.!”

“Isn’t this so exciting?” Gloria, a pink frog, asked.

“Yeah! I can’t wait to get my skills! I’m going to be a master fisherfrog like Teach!” Nitro answered with stars in his eyes.

“Penelope!” Teach shouted.

Penelope, a sassy purple frog in a tutu, claimed her R.I.B.B.E.T.S. She turned the small red tablet over in her hand.

“Thank you, Teach!” she said, prancing back.

“Dexter!” Teach shouted.

Dexter, a blue frog and King of Nerds, retrieved his R.I.B.B.E.T.S.

“Why thank you, sir,” Dexter said, adjusting his thick glasses.

“Nobody likes a suck-up, Dex! Next, Gloria!” Teach shouted.

Gloria practically floated over to get her R.I.B.B.E.T.S.

“THANK YOU, TEACH!” Gloria said, over-enthusiastically.

“Lance!” Teach shouted.

Lance, a gray frog of few words, collected his R.I.B.B.E.T.S.

“Teach,” Lance nodded.

“Lastly, Nitro! Try not to break it right away,” Teach said, momentarily losing his usual enthusiasm for shouting.

Nitro, a typical green frog, snatched up his R.I.B.B.E.T.S.

“Thanx, Teach!” Nitro shouted.

“Excuse me?! I don’t think I heard that spelling correctly! Let’s try again!” Teach shouted.

“Oops. Thanks, Teach!” Nitro corrected himself.

“That’s more like it! If you have any questions, refer to the ‘HELP’ menu! DO NOT ASK ME! Good luck with life, cadets! I’m going to take a nap,” Teach said, exhausted.

After Teach had gone to lay in his hammock, the five young frogs chattered excitedly over their R.I.B.B.E.T.S.s. Nitro turned his over and over, tapped it, shook it, and sighed.

“How does this thing work again?” Nitro asked.

The other frogs fell over. This was going to be a long day.

Issue 002